Boundary Boss

Create well-defined boundary agreements

Instructions

Identify whether you need to strengthen your internal boundaries.
Perform an inventory to identify areas where you fail to keep your word to yourself. For example, ask yourself: Do I make excuses for myself? Do I overpromise? Do I say I’ll stop an unhealthy habit but don’t follow through? Do I set goals and then ignore them days later? Am I swayed by the opinions of others? Write down your reflections to increase your awareness of your internal boundaries.
Be specific with your boundary lines.
Instead of complaining about your partner being insensitive, explicitly tell them the needs you want them to acknowledge. For example, you can say, “When you do , I feel frustrated because my need for ___ is not met. Would you be willing to ?” Being specific makes it easier to get your needs met.
Reflect on your unconscious baggage from the past.
Bad boundaries between you and the other person may be due to unresolved historical injustices rather than your current situation. Therefore, ask yourself: Who does this person remind me of? Have I felt like this in the past? How is this situation between us familiar to me?
Visualize the successful outcome of your boundary conversation.
Visualize and feel the feelings of having a conversation with someone violating your boundaries. Use all your senses of touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste to imagine the scenario. Seeing yourself successfully speaking up and asserting your boundaries can invigorate you to set healthy boundaries.
Be direct when communicating your boundaries.
Use concise language to describe your preferences, desires, and deal-breakers to the other person. For example, you can say, “I want to request that when you borrow my jacket, make sure you wash it and put it back in my room.” Avoid over-explaining yourself or justifying your right to set boundaries.
Show gratitude when the person respects your boundaries.
Thank the person who respects your boundaries so you can encourage them to continue doing it. You can say, “I appreciate that you checked in with me before booking dinner at the restaurant. It makes me feel seen and loved. Thank you.”