Practice alternatives to saying “no.”
from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber
Saying the word “no” to a child can trigger anger, resentment, and rebellion. Using these alternatives will lessen your child’s intensity, and they will feel more respected.
How to Apply This
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*Give information and describe the problem.*
Instead of saying no, give your child the reason that they cannot do something. They will then likely tell themselves, “No, I can’t do that,” saving you the trouble! -
*Accept feelings.*
Let your child know that you understand how they feel. Resistance is usually lessened when someone understands how you feel—your child no longer feels like he has to fight you. -
*If possible, substitute a “yes” for a “no.”*
For example, if your child wants to go to the playground, tell them, “Yes, you can go after lunch.” -
*Give yourself time to think.*
Tell your child that you will think about it. This lets the child know that you are seriously considering his request. Be sure to do so—your “no” may change to a “yes”!
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