Put up with put-downs

Pause when insulted.
When somebody insults you, resist the urge to get angry and respond right away. Instead, pause and go through the following steps as a checklist before you respond.

Consider whether the insult is true.
First, think about whether the insult is true. For example, somebody insults you about your height. If you are less than average height, why is it an insult? It’s simply a fact and something you have no control over, so why be angry?

Consider the intention of the insulter.
Sometimes, people say something insulting because they are trying to be helpful. For example, is somebody criticizing your work because they want to help you improve your performance? Even though they may not deliver it correctly, their insult may have honest intentions. In this case, calmly explain your viewpoint to them instead of getting angry. But if you think their intention is simply to insult you, it’s best to disregard their comment because it is not helpful.

Consider who the insulter is.
Finally, consider who the insulter is. Do you respect their opinion? Are they in a position to give you criticism? For example, if you are paying somebody to teach you a musical instrument and they criticize your performance, that’s a good thing because it helps you get better. On the other hand, if you are criticized by a person with less knowledge or experience, their opinion should not be valuable to you.

Form your response.
Once you have been through this checklist, you will likely find that you are not angry about the comment. If you decide that you won’t consider the opinion of the insulter because they are simply trying to be hurtful, there is no need to concern yourself with that person. Alternatively, you may decide that the person has useful knowledge and that their criticism is meant to be helpful. In this case, you can take it on board and learn from it. Either way, form a measured response without anger. Often, responding with humor is a good way to deflect insults.