Regularly review and manage your internal Computer and Stone of Life

Check your Computer regularly for Gremlins
As you go about your day, watch out for two Gremlins that may pop up—unrealistic expectations and unhelpful expectations. If you’re angry about a situation, check whether your expectations are realistic and helpful. If they are not, then replace your expectations. For example, just because your friend has a different opinion doesn’t mean you should get angry. Be realistic and accept the situation for what it is.

Replace your Gremlins
Let’s say you always say “Yes” whenever someone asks you for a favor even though you end up feeling upset because you have your work to do. In this case, you can identify the destructive beliefs that are behind it by asking, “What do I believe saying No implies about me? What are the consequences of saying No?” If your answer is, “I don’t want to be seen as selfish and lazy,” then this is a Gremlin you have to eliminate. To replace the Gremlin, tell yourself “Turning down a request is the appropriate response of an adult with healthy boundaries.” Do this as often as possible to remove the Gremlin and replace it with this new truth.

Replace “should” Gremlins with “could” Autopilots
“Should” Gremlins are statements that contain rigid words like “should” or “must.” These words can be damaging because they imply that you don’t have a choice. You can instead use the word “could” in your statements. For example, instead of “I should eat sensibly all the time,” you can say “I could eat sensibly all the time. Instead of “I should work until midnight,” you can say “I could work until midnight.” Check whether you feel the difference in emotion. Repeat this exercise as often as possible to embed the “could” Autopilot into your Computer so that it becomes an automatic response.

Write down your truths and values
Create your Stone of Life by defining and writing down your truths, beliefs, and values about yourself and the world. Create a poster with all this information and hang it somewhere you can always see it. Let this poster be a reminder of how to live your life. Keep going back to your Stone of Life to clarify and perfect your truths, values, and attitudes. This will help stabilize your mindset and develop a clearer picture of yourself.