How to Be the Love You Seek

Rewire your responses during difficult conversations

Instructions

Identify your stress response patterns.
When you're stressed or facing a conflict in a relationship, pay attention to how you typically respond. Do you confront the issue head-on (fight), avoid the situation altogether (flee), feel stuck and unable to act (freeze), or try to please others to keep the peace (fawn)? Recognizing your default stress response is the crucial first step towards making a change.
Practice mindfulness meditation. To increase awareness of your emotional state at the moment, incorporate mindfulness meditation into your daily routine. This practice helps you become more aware of when you're entering a stress response and allows you to manage your reactions more effectively. Start with just five minutes a day. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breath and the sensations in your body.
Apply self-regulation techniques.
When you feel overwhelmed or stressed, practice a quick self-regulation technique to calm yourself. You may perform deep breathing for this: inhale slowly for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, and exhale for six counts. You can do this anywhere, anytime you feel stress rising.
Engage in regular physical activity.
Make physical activity a regular part of your routine to help stabilize your nervous system. Choose activities that increase body awareness and reduce stress, such as yoga, tai chi, or even brisk walking. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week.
Develop a supportive network.
Actively cultivate relationships with friends, family members, or therapists who understand your experiences with trauma bonds. Regularly share your thoughts and progress with them. This support can validate your feelings and provide encouragement when facing setbacks.
Seek professional guidance.
If changing entrenched relationship patterns on your own proves challenging, consider consulting a therapist who specializes in trauma and relational issues. Professional help can offer personalized strategies and insights that are crucial for deeper healing. Set a goal to meet with a therapist at least once a month or as needed based on your situation.