Set aside your moralistic judgments and show yourself more compassion whenever you make mistakes

Identify the unmet need being expressed through your moralistic judgment
Let’s say you’re in a rush to get your children to school on time before heading to the office for an important meeting. As you help the children pack their things, you stick a pen in the front pocket of your coat. When you get to the office, you realize you have an ink stain on your suit because you forgot to place the cap on the pen. You start berating yourself saying, “Why am I so careless and stupid?” Instead, stop and ask yourself, “Which unmet need of mine is being expressed through this moralistic judgment?”

Allow yourself to mourn when you mess up
You may recognize that the reason behind calling yourself careless and stupid is a need to give more attention to yourself. You understand that your shame or guilt is simply a desire to take better care of yourself. This realization will trigger a release of tension as the shame and regret transition into feelings of sadness and disappointment. Accept that you’re sad and disappointed. See these feelings as simply your desire to take better care of yourself.

After you’ve mourned your mistake, practice self-forgiveness
Ask yourself, “What need was I meeting when I put the uncapped pen in my pocket?” You may realize that you were too focused on taking care of your children’s needs that you ignored your own! This will trigger self-compassion as you realize you made a mistake only because you were busy helping others. Now, think of how you would act differently in the future to take care of your children’s needs without sacrificing your own.