How to Be the Love You Seek

Transform your ego story

Instructions

Identify your personal ego stories.
Keep a daily journal where you note any recurring negative thoughts, especially during times of stress or when facing rejection. For instance, write down moments when you think, "I'm not good enough" after receiving criticism. Review your journal weekly to spot patterns and common themes in these thoughts.
Question the accuracy of your ego stories.
Each time you recognize an ego-driven thought, stop and critically evaluate its truthfulness. Write down the thought, then next to it, list evidence that contradicts this belief and alternative explanations for the situation. This exercise will help you challenge these automatic thoughts and see them from a more rational perspective.
Practice mindfulness to diminish ego influence.
Dedicate at least 5 minutes each day to mindfulness meditation. Use apps or online videos for guided meditations that focus on breath and body sensations, which can help train your mind to observe thoughts without judgment. Set a regular schedule for these sessions to build a consistent practice.
Reframe negative ego stories into positive affirmations.
Convert each identified negative ego story into a positive affirmation. For example, change "I am not worthy of love" to "I am worthy of love and respect." Write these affirmations on sticky notes and place them where you'll see them daily, such as on your bathroom mirror or computer monitor, and recite them each morning or during moments of self-doubt.
Engage in self-compassion exercises.
Whenever you notice yourself being critical due to an ego story, perform a self-compassion break. This involves quietly telling yourself comforting words you would offer a friend in distress. Practice this deliberately whenever you feel overwhelmed by negative self-talk.
Seek feedback from trusted individuals.
Arrange regular check-ins with friends, family, or a therapist to discuss how they perceive you, particularly in areas where you feel most insecure. Ask open-ended questions like, "How do you see my response when I feel criticized?" Use this feedback to further refine your understanding of how your ego stories affect your self-image and relationships.