The Art of Everyday Assertiveness

Communicate your relationship needs clearly and directly

Instructions

Identify what you truly want in the relationship.
Before you can ask for what you want, you need to know exactly what that is. Think about areas within your relationship where you feel your needs are not being met. Ask yourself, "What do I need to feel happy and fulfilled in this relationship?" This step prevents you from making vague or unfulfilled requests because you're not sure what you want.
Communicate your needs clearly.
Start practicing how to express your needs and wants clearly and directly. Instead of hinting or assuming others will guess what you want, use straightforward language. For example, instead of saying, "It would be nice to spend some time together," say, "I would like us to have a date night this Friday."
Set boundaries.
Learn to set healthy boundaries by politely but firmly stating what you are and are not willing to tolerate. This could be as simple as saying, "I cannot take on extra work this weekend," or "I need some time to myself this evening." Setting boundaries is crucial for mutual respect in any relationship.
Ask for feedback.
After expressing your needs or making a request, ask for feedback to ensure the other person understands and is willing to meet your needs. This could be as simple as, "Does that work for you?" or "How do you feel about this request?"
Be prepared for "No."
Understand that not all your requests will be met with a yes, and that's okay. Prepare yourself mentally for rejection, and remember that it doesn't diminish your worth. Instead, reflect on why the request might have been declined and whether there's a compromise to be found.
Learn to say "No."
Just as you're learning to ask for what you want, it's equally important to feel comfortable saying no to requests that don't align with your needs or capabilities. Practice saying no in a respectful yet firm manner.
Regularly reassess your needs.
Over time, your needs and desires may change. Regularly take time to reassess what's important to you and whether your current situation aligns with those needs. This ongoing reflection ensures that you're always advocating for your most current and relevant needs.